i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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