It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
