I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
