I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
