Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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