Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
