I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
