I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
