He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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