I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize