Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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