i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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