take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
