if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
