just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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