I think my vagina is haunted
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize