Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
