Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
