I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
