final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
