Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
