see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
