i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You smell like stripper and shame
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
