i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize