Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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