so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
