She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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