Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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