McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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