Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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