when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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