I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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