I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
