How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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