Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
