you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
