Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
