I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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