first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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