some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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