I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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