He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
