I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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