im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
