We're facebook friends in real life
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
honey bunches of taint.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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