True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
