i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
