In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
