Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
