Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
