nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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