oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
