Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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