I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
