perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
