You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
