I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
