He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
