He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
