i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
