Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
