i just had sex bonerless
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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