I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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