I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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