just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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