Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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