Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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