Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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