How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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