these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize