So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
