i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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