Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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