i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
