Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
babies were throwing up all over the place
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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