Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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