Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
