My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
