Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Randomize
