Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
