I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
