It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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