you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
