i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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