are you still at the devil's house?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
