Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize