why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
