Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
