I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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