Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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