dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
